New Job = new and old beginnings and hopefully much more....;o)

Today I have got a number of thoughts running through my head and it is not all coherent and not well structured, I must say but these are small things to celebrate. Having started my new role in a Christian charity, I am faced with a number of challenges I have forgotten about as certain bad habits and ways of behaving and speaking became gradually part of my daily functioning. I became someone I sometimes detested and disliked and struggled with this impacting on my friends and family who were upset for me being miserable. Now I stand amazed about the journey that God has taken me through. I am grateful to God and my friends and family who have helped me to manage this transition and believed in me when I was starting to loose hope. I find it interesting and entertaining that I spent many years in charity sector working for both Christian and secular organisations and then moved onto statutory services only to return back where I started. ;o) This is not a complaint though. I certainly did not think that I will be turning away from statutory social work after a couple of years but I am actually grateful at being able to stop and think and rediscover things that are important and matter again rather than thinking about crisis management. It is amazing to see what is out there and what great work many different organisations are doing in places where there are difficulties and pain. I feel that there is a lot to learn for me and that the 'blinkers' have been removed.

I have met some great, inspiring and kind people in my new team. Being shy and not always liking change, I did have fears entering that role, they have surprised me with the amount of positivism, affirmation, encouragement and warm welcomes to the point. One does not get all of that in many places nowadays. Sometimes I have felt and wondered if it is real or if I am not imagining it (probably slight exaggeration on my part). It certainly feels sometimes too good to be true and I have to constantly remind myself to step back and realise that I am out of statutory sector and these are real people with great hearts who have chosen to serve not only God but also different communities not necessarily always Christian but going broader. I guess that this says a lot about me as one of my colleagues said this week about one of my odd perspectives slightly unrelated to this topic. But I do speak my mind though I do not always mean things as they come across. Many people laugh or stay silent but not many have got the guts to tell me or challenge me about this. As much as I do like feedback but at times struggle with the criticism part of it, it is good for me to be faced with the mirror. My friends would say that I like being right or having the last word but they do not realise that it is only because I feel comfortable and safe around them. That is compliment but not necessarily as I know that it is annoying for them. So right now it is good to be around people who are confident about what they believe and the direction they have taken in a way that is different.

I am curious about the energy, drive and motivation to see change as that is something that I have not had a change to experience for a while in some of organisations and public services I worked. As couple of my good friends said, it is good for me to be in this environment. I have to certainly tone down my language and have to remember the power of the words that I speak out, which I have been recently reminded. I feel like I am on a journey to learn to control my tongue again and to think about what I am saying and how that impacts on others. Not that I was not aware of this before but this is certainly different level compared to what one experiences in public services. There is tone of language, which reflects love and kindness and thinking good of others, not wanting to hurt others though that does not mean accepting everything and anything as there is firmness in character. I am starting to think and realise again that there is a lot that is good in people. It is hard to see beyond the damage and the pain and the impact of the terrible experiences of abuse when in statutory services. But there is certainly a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us though I feel that I am currently not in the tunnel at all and that I am in broad daylight (no tunnels in sight), which is a great feeling to have. I still do fall into my old patterns when speaking about my last work but it is a journey.

Furthermore, I am catching myself thinking that I am not doing enough and that it is odd to leave work on time. It is amazing how one falls into that trap of feeling that it is normal to be in crisis most weeks and to do 10-12 hrs without much break. I have been craving so long to be able to do things after work, meet friends, try new hobbies and just enjoy life that I have been given and which is very precious. Now I have got that opportunity and I have to get my friends to remind me and challenge me to do things and not loose sight of those hopes and dreams. I also need to remember to want that not only for myself but those around me, to remember the sense of being part of community, society and nation. Though my sense of belonging and identity would be something else to write about perhaps next time as I have always questioned that.

So lessons to learn and things to improve on for me:
- Spend time with God and pray
- Be creative - make things, paint and learn new arts and crafts
- Enjoy time with friends and make time to get out
- Try to think more before you speak and rediscover the sensitive self
- Believe in the good of people and see their potential when you look around or when you walk around
- Watch your tongue as what you say cannot be deleted
- Enjoy the positive and affirmative environment of your current work
- Try not to rush and feel that you have not done enough as there is another day and another week