I am not sure but somehow I end up on a crossroad quite frequently. I am currently questioning whether this is because of my short-sighted choices at times or whether it is just a normal stage of one's life that no one really admits to or whether it is process of maturing/ageing, which is increasing my insight in what is worthy and worthwhile in my life.
I have always enjoyed working in social care field but with coming years and lots of job hopping seeking new opportunities and learning new things, I have become more and more frustrated about man-made structures and politics both in charity and statutory sector. I guess that I keep forgetting that we are all humans and that we do not always get it right but somehow I feel that the whole sector is crumbling across some of the European countries. I do not want to be an observer but am thinking more and more whether I need to just be faithful in small things rather than attempt to make difference to my communities. I am not even sure whether this is the right work field for me anymore without losing who I am, my values, personality and believes. My friends and family have been certainly concerned when they saw the impact of working in statutory social services, which turned me into one miserable creature and hardly any personal life. Life is for living and not for surviving, I guess.
I have come to realise that being an introvert in social care field and having to survive the roller coaster of the events, crises, long hours that one faces takes a lot of energy. It can take its toll as there are other things one observes around. I do admire those who do not allow the politics of the social care field take away their stamina and focus. There are many amazing people on the ground and in the front line who have not 'sold their souls' and are not doing it for the money. Not that money can ever pay enough for the abuse, long hours, negative media that people in social work have to handle beside the emotionally demanding role. I am grateful that I have met some strong women and men who are trying hard to make their best of the failing system. But the question remains whether this is the right thing for me.
But lets not run away from the topic of crossroads. Crossroads are times for reflection, looking back, looking at present and looking forward. These are times to dream again and think through where we would like to be. Crossroads force us to stop and think again on our journey through life. Though I do not like not knowing, I need to make myself see the positive as many friends remind me. I can make a fresh start or walk on road that I am familiar with. There are choices and it is up to me to decide since God gave us free will whether I will follow what He prepared for me or take a different turn. It is time for us to expect the unexpected and see what opportunities open up. I would like to skip this stage personally and know what is going to happen as I do not like the idea of losing control over my life but it is important for me to realise that it is OK not to have this control.
There is nothing lost even when we take u-turns and walk off the track. We learn and see what it is that we do not enjoy. We learn what we are not willing to compromise about but what is essential. We learn about ourselves and we are not alone in those moments. We are part of the bigger picture. We are part of the communities and our move forward or sideways can have that ripple effect in small ways as it is going to impact on our relationships.
My lesson from the crossroads of life is probably that I can enjoy the period of being able to stop, take a deep breath and see what adventures lie ahead of me.
